


Your Secret Admirer

by hyunjinn



Category: Kpop - Fandom, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, First Kiss, Fluff, Jiho - Freeform, Love Notes, M/M, Secret Admirer, hidden identity, minsung - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-06-29 08:10:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 3,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15725427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyunjinn/pseuds/hyunjinn
Summary: Some things shouldn't be kept a secret, especially when it comes to love





	1. Dear Minho, note one

**Author's Note:**

> This is a nice little quick book similar to my changlix one 'i hate you im sorry i miss you i love you' but a little bit more detailed

_Friday, March 9th 2018_

 

_Dear Minho,_

_I know you probably don’t get too many random notes in your math textbook but I’m leaving this just to say that the weird ass hat you wore today looked great on you. Never wished I could be a hat before. . . anyways. I hope you have a great day because you deserve the world_

 

  * __Your secret admirer__



 

 


	2. Dear Minho, note two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so im gonna post a new chapter everyday

_ Monday, March 12th 2018 _

 

_ Dear Minho, _

_ I saw you in the gym during lunch dancing, I never knew you could dance. I’m glad I do know because that was absolutely amazing and one day I hope that I can can get a solo performance.  _

_ WAIT WAIT WAIT THAT SOUNDS LIKE YOURE A STRIPPER PLEASE IGNORE THAT IT DOESNT EXIST ANYMORE _

 

_ Ahem. _

 

_ Anyways, still infatuated with you just fyi, please be happy and eat during lunch instead of exercising your amazing talents. I value your health _

 

 

  * __Your secret admirer__



 

 


	3. Dear Minho, note three

_ Tuesday, March 13th 2018 _

 

_ Dear Minho,  _

_ I heard that you liked my note yesterday, according to Seungmin in (our shared) math class you were blushing and laughing? I hope this true, it makes my feel less creepy about all this. By the way, the reason that this note was left in your locker - I don’t know your lock code I just slipped it through the vent - is because I saw your friend Hyunjin hiding nearby your books. So this is how it’ll be. And if you keep sending your friends to try and find me then there will be no note that day, which who know maybe that’s what you want but I hope that you understand that I’m not ready to reveal myself yet. I should probably get it out there that I’m not a girl. . . If you are against that just write stop on the chalkboard in math, I’ll understand. _

 

  * __Your secret admirer__



 

 


	4. Dear Minho, note four

_ Wednesday, March 14th 2018 _

 

_ Dear Minho, _

_ I saw your message on the board today, I expected a stop but instead you wrote ‘I am too’ (referring to being gay I assume). I won’t lie and say the I expected this. I was sure that you’d get me to stop. _

_ As a reward I’ll tell you something about my appearance. I have brown hair. I know it doesn’t help much as majority of the school populace has brown hair but it’s a start yeah? _

_ Another fact that I was terrified to find out about myself recently; I’m in love with you Lee Minho _

 

  * __Your secret admirer__



 

 


	5. Dear Minho, note five

_ Thursday, March 15th 2018 _

_ Dear Minho,  _

_ I took a chance yesterday and watched you read my note, I’ve never seen you smile like that. It is officially my favorite thing in the world. Also, I just wanted to let you know that your friend Chris hit on me yesterday. Don’t be frustrated with him, I’m pretty sure he hits on everything that moves. But it scares me to know that if he somehow figures out it’s me and tells you that you may be disgusted. . . _

_ Anyways, I’ll tell you another fact about me, I’m a rapper. I do it with a friend of mine, he’s kind of a wannabe emo but whatever. _

_ I love you~ _

  * __Your secret admirer__




	6. Dear Minho, note six

_ Friday, March 16th 2018 _

 

_ Dear Minho,  _

_ I said that you shouldn’t be mad at Chris and yet you yelled at him in front of everyone in the tech hall, that’s kind of douchey. Unless you apologize you won’t get any notes for a week.  _

_ APOLOGIZE _

_ (i love you and hope you have an amazing weekend) _

 

  * __Your secret admirer__



 

 


	7. Dear Minho, note seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys honestly leave the nicest comments i love you all so much

_ Monday, March 19th 2018 _

 

_ Dear Minho,  _

_ I’m glad to hear that you apologized and I’m sorry. You’re stressing yourself out because you want to know who I am but I’m just not ready, I hope you understand my love. _

_ I keep thinking that it may be for the best if I stopped writing to you for your sake but I’m a selfish man Minho, I find myself hopelessly drawn to you and it, quite honestly, terrifies me.  _

_ I love you. _

 

  * __Your secret admirer__



 

 


	8. Dear Minho, note eight

_ Tuesday, March 20th 2018 _

 

_ Dear Minho, _

_ Shit shit shit. Felix saw me putting yesterday’s note in your locker. I made him swear on his life that he wouldn’t tell you who I am, there was definitely some threats made and I pulled out a little blackmail. . . please tell him that while I don’t regret it I am sorry for being so, intense. Don’t bug him for it. PLEASE Minho. I love you so much but I’m not ready reveal to myself. Maybe one day, but right now I’m too terrified to even attempt to speak to you in person. To say that I love you in person. _

_ Y’know sometimes I imagine what it would be like if we were in a relationship. Holding hands, going on dates, kissing. I hope that one day you can say I love you to me. _

_ I love you. ♡ _

 

  * __Your secret admirer__



 

 


	9. Dear Minho, note nine

_ Wednesday, March 21st 2018 _

 

_ Dear Minho, _

_ Your ‘I’ll wait’ that was written on the board made me want to go right up to you and kiss you in front of the whole class. _

_ Have you heard they’ve started shipping us? The class that is. Some don’t like that I’m a dude but a lot of them don’t care. I wish that I could be open with my love for you. Please don’t hate me for keeping myself a secret. I can’t explain my reasoning but I hope that my love can be a good enough excuse. _

_ I love you more than chicken, and I hope you understand the chicken is my (now second) favorite thing in the world so you better feel important. _

 

  * __Your secret admirer__



 

 


	10. Dear Minho, note ten

_ Thursday, March 22nd 2018 _

 

_ Dear Minho, _

_ THAT ISNT ALLOWED. _

_ YOU CANT WEAR ANGSTY BLACK DISTRESSED JEAN JACKETS AND EXPECT ME TO BE OKAY _ _   
_ _ One of these days I’m going to lose all sense of self control and just make out with you.  _

_ Just like. Be spontaneous. _

_ Also, I talked with Felix. I think we’re starting to be friends? He has my phone number now so if I ever miss you to an overwhelming point I guess he can be a messenger for us. I actually met Hyunjin too, so he knows as well. I didn’t mean too but I told my friend about what was happening and he overheard. They’re both very nice and I’m glad you have such great friends. _

_ I love you more than anything ♡ _

 

  * __Your secret admirer__



 

 


	11. Dear Minho, note eleven

_ Friday, March 23rd 2018 _

 

_ Minho. _

_ What the hell? You decided that just because your friends know who I am that you can throw a fit? I realise that you may be frustrated that I haven’t revealed my identity but the fact that you got in a fucking fist fight with Hyunjin (I’m glad you lost that one because you were in the wrong) and yelled at Felix, who I had to console in the janitors closet just FYI, and tried to start shit with Woojin aka the nicest guy in school.  _

_ Maybe all this was a mistake _

 

  * __Fucking guess__



 

 


	12. Dear Minho, note twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im just gonna leave this here even though its a day early and i posted earlier,,,, think of it as a treat that bites

_Saturday, March 24th 2018_

 

**Jisung**

- Hey felix, i need you to give a message to Minho… is that okay?

  

**Felix**

\- Yeah of course! What’s the message mate

 

**Jisung**

- Actually, could you give me his number, i can’t be impersonal about this

 

**Felix**

- Uhhh yeah sure dude. Its (xxx)-xxx-xxxx

 

**Jisung**

\- I owe you man, thanks  


-+-

 

**Unknown number**

\- hey

 

**Minho**

\- who is this?

 

**Unknown number**

\- Your secret admirer

\- Felix gave me your number

\- I saw you rip up my note on Friday and I just wanted to let you know that you’re a fucking prick. I may love you but don’t expect anymore notes

\- Just delete my number and forget any of this ever happened

\- It was a stupid idea in the first place

 

**Minho**

\- please no

- i dont know who you are but i really want to

- im sorry

-  i was just mad that my friends knew who you were but im still in the dark

\- what did the note say?

 

 **Unknown number**. . .

\- It was nothing

\- Please dont text me anymore

\- I dont have the willpower to delete your contact from my phone

\- And texting makes my notes lose their magic dont you think?

 

**Minho**

\- . . . 

\- fine 

\- you want to know something that terrifies me?

\- that im starting to fall for someone that i dont know

- i love you mr secret admirer


	13. Dear Minho, note thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dedicated to @matryoshkaa for leaving lovely comments on each new chapter without fail <3

_ Monday, March 26th 2018 _

 

_ Dear Minho, _

_ I saw you sifting through the garbage earlier today and I was both terrified and happy. I love that you are starting to love me. I think that you found all the little pieces, you asked someone I know for tape so you could put them together. I saw you reading your little arts and crafts project. Please don’t cry like that ever again. This cruel world doesn’t deserve your tears. I don’t deserve them. You got up in front of the entire maths class and said that you were sorry; tears still staining your beautiful face. I’ve never felt so touched. _

_ God I love you Minho. _

 

  * __Your secret admirer__



 

 


	14. Dear Minho, note fourteen

_ Wednesday, March 27th 2018 _

 

_ Dear Minho, _

_ Hi Minho. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a note yesterday. I’m having a lot of issues at home and yesterday was really bad. Maybe that’s one of the reasons I don’t want you to know who I am. Because under my school uniform is a hundred bruises. _

_ I’m sorry. _

_ I don’t want to get you involved _

_ I love you. _

 

  * __Your secret admirer__



 

 


	15. Dear Minho, note fifteen

_ Thursday, March 28th 2018 _

 

_ Dear Minho, _

_ I’m bad for you. _

_ You are doing everything to find my identity. _

_ Please stop calling my number during class, my phone is always on silent. I love you so much and telling you what was wrong with me was a bad idea. Hyunjin said that that cast on your hand is because you broke it punching a wall out of anger at my situation. _

_ I should stop. _

_ You’ll be okay right? _

_ I’m going to stop writing. It will hurt for a little bit but I promise it will get better if you give it time. I’ll be okay, kind of. _

_ I love you so much Minho. _

_ So so much. _

_ I wish things were different. _

 

  * __Your secret admirer__



 

 


	16. Dear Minho, note sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> helloo! i ve decided to finish this before school starts so you guys are gonna get three days to have five chapters!! enjoy this one ;)

_ Wednesday, April 25th 2018 _

 

“Did you hear?”

 

“Hear about what?”

 

“About that guy Minho.”

 

“What about him? Isn’t he in our year?”

 

“Yeah, apparently he tried to kill himself like a week ago, he just woke up.”

 

“Seriously? Why?”

 

“I guess he came out as gay and his parents kicked him out, I think he was living with a friend of his.”

 

“Oh my god the poor guy.”

 

“He also got really depressed after his secret admirer stopped sending him notes.”

 

“I feel so bad for him, I think we had chem together last semester, he was always so happy.”

 

“I know, I guess after all that shit happened in his life he couldn’t take it.”

 

“I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose your family and crush in the course of a month.”

 

“Last I heard he was in love with the person.”

 

“Even though they never met?”

 

“Yeah, I find it cute.”

 

“Well how’d he do it? Or try to.”

 

“He stole some of his friend's mom’s prescription pills. Tranexamic acid or something like that. It supposed to be for blood issues but he took a lethal amount. I think he just downed the bottle.”

 

“And he’s alive?”

 

“Yeah, his friend, Felix I think, found him seizing on the floor, called an ambulance.”

 

“I feel so bad for him. I hope he’s okay.”

 

“We should send some flowers or something.”

 

“Well it’s not like we knew him.” 

 

“True…”

 

“Well Whatever, I’ll see you next period!”

  
  
“Okay bye!”


	17. Dear Minho, note seventeen

_ Wednesday, April 25th 2018 _

 

**Incoming call: I miss you ♡**

 

**Accept         Decline**

 

**Accept** **Decline**

 

“Minho? Minho are you okay? I heard you were in the hospital and I knew I needed to call you. I’m sorry this is all my fault, I shouldn’t have stopped those notes. I should have been brave.”

 

“. . . I’ve heard your voice before, I think. I love it.”

 

“Minho please tell me you’re okay.”

 

“I’m fine, Jisung Han right? Is that who you are?”

 

“. . . Yes. I’m sorry.”

 

“I’ve been sitting next to you all this time. I’ve only spoken to you like once but I was so close to you all this time.”   
  


“Minho I’m so fucking sorry.”

 

“You broke your promise.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You said that I’d get over it in time. I didn’t.”   
  
“Minho,  _ please  _ tell me you’re going to be okay.”

 

“I am. Don’t worry. They’re going to keep me here for another week then I can go, I’ll have to do therapy but other than that I’ll be okay.”

 

“I thought you were going to die Minho. You almost did from what Felix told me.”

 

“Jisung. Please stop crying. I won’t try that again. I know who you are now.”

 

“I can’t. I can’t do that Minho.”   
  


“Than promise me something Jisung.”

 

“Anything.”   
  


“Visit me in the hospital. I need to touch you, hold your hand, just hold you in general. Promise me you’ll come.”

 

“I promise. I won’t hide anymore.”

 

“Hey Jisung.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I love you so much.”

 

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted you to say that.”

 

“Say it back.”   
  


“I love you so much Minho. More than anything.”

 

“Remember your promise.”

 

“I’ll come tomorrow.”

 

“I can’t wait.”   
  


“Goodbye my love.”

 

“See you soon.”


	18. Dear Minho, note eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did say im finishing this before school,,,, i think ill actually post the last chapter the morning of, so monday you guys dont get a chapter but tuesday morning is the final
> 
>  
> 
> or is it?

_ Thursday, April 26th 2018 _

 

The smell of bleach and lemon cleaner assaulted Jisung’s nose the minute he stepped foot inside the Samsung medical center in Gangnam-gu. The hospital was nicely decorated, as most things were in Gangnam-gu. Jisung paid little attention to those details and instead went up to the reception desk.

“I’m here to visit someone,” Jisung questioned in an urgent manner.

“Can I have a patient name?” The woman replied in a bored tone.

“Lee Minho.”

“What is your relationship to the patient?” 

“I’m his cousin.” Jisung lied, knowing that secret admirer wasn’t the best way to identify yourself.

“Can I have some ID?” She asked, typing away at the desktop computer she was situated at.

“Um yeah of course.” Jisung fumbled to get his wallet out of his pocket, pulling out his driver's license.

“Han Jisung? You said that he was your cousin correct?”

“Yes, my father’s surname is Han while my mothers maiden name is Lee.”

“Okay, and you are over the age of eighteen?”

“Yes, I’m eighteen years old.”

“Okay.” She handed back the license.

“His room is on the third floor, room three hundred and twenty. Stay as positive as possible and avoid upsetting him as he is on suicide watch for the time being.” She said, pointing him to the stairs before returning her attention to the desktop computer.

Jisung ran as fast as he thought acceptable for a hospital. Upon reaching the third floor he was panting for breath. He jogged down the hall, looking at each room number as he passed. He stopped outside the metal door with a small 320 above the handle. His hand hesitated before grasping the doorknob and turning. Silently opening the heavy door. He sucks a short breath in at the sight of Minho sitting cross-legged on the white sheets of his hospital bed, back to Jisung looking at the window.

Even though the hospital provided scrubs Jisung can’t help but notice how skinny he had become compared to how he was the last time he had seen him, about two weeks ago.

 

Jisung couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by emotion. Tears began dripping from his eyes despite never being one to cry easily. Only Minho had this effect on him. Minho heard him as he took a shaky breath. The male noticed that despite the tears making trails down his face he looked absolutely surreal. Even before the notes, Minho had taken interest in the male. Two years ago he had even found himself with a small crush on the boy. But since Jisung seemed far out of his league he had never put through the effort. So seeing him there, crying for him. He felt his heart swell. Minho stood from the bed and took a tentative few steps towards the crying boy. Time seemed to freeze around them. Before it felt as if Minho had been staring into a tank full of water straining his eyes for even a shadow of what was inside, a certain fish in the vast ocean. 

And now Minho could see what was in the tank the whole time, who his admirer was the whole time. 

 

Then the glass broke and with it so did the ice keeping them from moving.

 

Minho rushed forward as fast as his weak body could handle. Jisung did the same and the met in the middle with a desperate embrace. Jisung lifted the weak boy into the air and did one quick spin before placing him down and placing his face wet with tears into the crook of Minho’s neck. 

“I was so worried about you.” He said in a whisper laced with sadness and desperation.

“I’m so sorry, everything went to shit so quickly I just didn’t think there was any other way. And then you called me and I felt like maybe I’d be okay.” Minho said as he stroked Jisung’s hair, relishing in the softness of it.

“I love you so much.” Minho’s heart seemed to skip a beat as he pulled away slightly, pressing his and Jisung’s foreheads together. 

“I love you more.” He whispered.

“Unrealistic,” Jisung said, glancing down for a second to Minho’s lips. The action didn’t go unnoticed by the other. Minho shifted forward slightly; close enough that they were breathing the same air. He looked into Jisung’s eyes for confirmation and when he got the smallest nod he closed the distance between them. The kiss wasn’t rushed or intrusive. Rather it was the kiss of to people who had been waiting for this for a long time. The two relished in the warmth and softness of each other's lips for a few seconds before separating. They were both blushing adorably as they looked at each other. They dove in for another kiss. This one a little faster as they grew more comfortable. Neither knew how long the stood there, grasping at each other desperately, only separating when they ran out of breath. They spent another few minutes just gazing at each other, ingraining their features into their minds.

“Hey Jisung.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” 

“Of course I do dumbass.”

“Then how about, in a week once I get out, we go on a date. Just the two of us.” Jisung giggled.

“That’s the typical amount of people a date consists of is it not?”

Minho smiled and pulled his boyfriend into a tight embrace.

“So what do you say.”   
“Of course, my love.”


	19. Dear Minho, note nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! okay so im gonna leave this up to you. do you want me to post the last chapter today, tomorrow or tuesday,, the first one of these options with two votes (just comment) will happen!

_ Friday, May 4th 2018 _

 

Minho met Jisung with a bundle of red roses.

Jisung arrived with a bouquet of asters.

They laughed they kissed they went on their way hand in hand.

They talked about themselves and chatted before arriving.

The amusement park buzzed with excitement.

They ran through hand in hand with smiles on their faces.

People glared but who were they to care. 

They went on every ride.

Holding each other's hands through every one.

They kissed for the roller coaster picture.

They admired the sunset from the top of the ferris wheel.

Minho dropped Jisung off in front of his apartment complex.

They said their goodbyes and clutched the flowers and prizes they had won each other.

Minho tried to ignore the fearful look the other sent towards the building as he drove off.

Jisung walked inside with a smile.


	20. Dear Minho, note twenty

_ Sunday, May 6th 2018 _

 

_ Dear Jisung, _

 

_ You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you so much it hurts. Your eyes have a sparkle that make me want to keep you in my arms for the rest of time. Your hair is so impossibly soft that it makes me jealous. I love your squirrel-ish cheeks so much and don’t care that you don’t, I could never understand that. You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen. You are so funny that I tear up when laughing. You are so caring, you help anyone that needs it, including me. You are intelligent, giving me cute little riddles to solve last Friday. You are one of the most important people in my life and I love you to no end. I will remain by your side until i’m old and grey. I don’t care about whatever happens, I’ll stay with you. I love you so much Han Jisung. One day we’ll have moved somewhere more accepting, get married, adopt kids and grow old together. You are amazing and for the millionth time, I love you. _

 

 

  * __Minho__



 

  
  


Minho held the note he had just written in his hand and watched as his tears fell on the paper. Before he ruined it he folded it and placed it on the bedside table already covered in flowers and notes from everyone else. He scooted his chair closer to the bed and held Jisung’s hand in his own. 

“Sir, visiting hours are over, will you be staying in the waiting room again tonight?” A nurse with soft features asked. 

Minho sniffed and rubbed his eyes with his sleeve before nodding. He released the soft hand and looked at Jisungs bruised bandaged face. He gave the boy a soft loving kiss on his exposed cheek and followed her out, giving his boyfriend, who had been beaten into a coma by his father with a tire iron the night Minho had dropped him off one last night, one last look knowing he’d be back tomorrow and every day after.


End file.
